What to do when someone dies.

The single thing you have to get right in the first hour is who you call. Everything else can wait, and most of it should wait.

The call you make depends on where the person is:

• At home, and it was expected(hospice, long illness) — call hospice. They send a nurse to pronounce death. Do not call 911.
• At home, and it was unexpected— call 911. Paramedics will come. The coroner or medical examiner may get involved.
• In a hospital, hospice house, or nursing home — the staff will handle the pronouncement. They’ll ask you what funeral home to call. You don’t have to know yet.

Once death has been pronounced, the only other person who has to be called in the first hour is the funeral home — and only if you’re at home with the body. They’ll come pick the person up. In any other setting, the facility holds them until you say where to send them.

Full decision tree for the first call →

After the pronouncement, the body will be taken — to the funeral home you chose, or to the medical examiner if the death was unattended. That is the single most time-sensitive thing that happens on day one. Everything after that can wait until tomorrow.

In the next 24 hours, focus on three things:

1. Tell the closest people first. Partner, parents, children, siblings. Call them. Don’t let them find out from a Facebook post.
2. Start a shared note. Open a group text or shared doc with the other people who are helping, and write down every call you’ve made and every decision you’ve locked in. You will forget. You won’t want to repeat yourself at midnight.
3. Sleep if you can. Nothing you decide tired is a decision you’ll be glad you made.

Before you sit down with a funeral director, before you call the bank, before you touch anything financial, you want four things in front of you:

• The will. This names the executor, which is the person with the legal right to make most of the decisions that follow.
• The advance directive / living will. Relevant only if the person was still alive when found; skip if not.
• Any funeral pre-planning papers. Some people pre-pay or pre-arrange with a specific funeral home. If those papers exist, they change everything that comes next.
• Life insurance policies. Both personal policies and any through an employer or credit union.

The usual places to look: a safe deposit box, a fireproof box at home, a top bedroom drawer, the lawyer’s office, the family computer, the person’s email (search “will,” “estate,” “trust,” “insurance”), and the inbox of whoever their attorney was.

The meeting where you actually plan the service is called the arrangement conference. It usually happens one to three days after the death, at the funeral home, and takes around two hours. Bring someone with you who isn’t the primary griever if you can. A second set of ears matters here.

What to bring:

• The deceased person’s driver’s license or ID
• Their Social Security number
• Military discharge papers (form DD-214) if they were a veteran — this unlocks VA burial benefits
• Any pre-arrangement paperwork you found in step 3
• A photo for the obituary and service
• Clothing, if the service will include a viewing

The big choices at this meeting: burial or cremation, what kind of service (traditional funeral, memorial, celebration of life, or private family-only), and who’s officiating. Everything else — flowers, programs, music, obituary — can be finalized later.

What it actually costs — line by line, plus what you can decline →

A death certificate is the single most important piece of paper in this entire process. Every institution you contact — bank, insurer, Social Security, the IRS, the DMV, the mortgage company — is going to ask for a certified copy. Not a photocopy. A certified one, with a raised seal.

The funeral director will usually order them for you. Ask for 10 to 20 certified copies. You will use more than you think, and ordering a second batch later takes weeks.

How death certificates work — cost, timing, and who asks for them →

Once you have death certificates in hand, you can start telling the world, in priority order:

1. Social Security Administration— to stop benefits (they will take them back if paid after death) and to claim the survivor benefit.
2. Department of Veterans Affairs, if the person served.
3. Employer or former employer— for pension, life insurance, and final paycheck.
4. Banks, brokerages, credit unions.
5. Life insurance companies.
6. Credit card companies and lenders.
7. Utilities, subscriptions, landlord, DMV— the long tail.

The full “who to notify” checklist →

Sometime in the first month, the pace shifts from phone calls and funerals to paperwork and finances. This is where an executor (or the person acting as one) spends most of their time.

• Open probate, if required. Not every estate needs probate — it depends on how assets were titled and the size of the estate. Most people use a lawyer for this step.
• Claim life insurance. Each policy requires a certified death certificate and a claim form.
• Transfer titles— house, cars, brokerage accounts.
• File a final tax return for the deceased for the year they died.
• Close accounts— utilities, subscriptions, email, social media.

Grief does not follow a calendar, and neither does paperwork. Things will keep arriving for months — a 1099 from a bank you forgot about, a jury duty notice, a credit card pre-approval. Treat each one as it comes.

Some things worth knowing:

• Thank-you notes have no expiration. Anyone who tells you otherwise has never written one through grief.
• Cleaning out the house can wait. If you can’t do it now, you can’t do it now. Close the door and come back later.
• The first anniversary is hard. Put it on a calendar. Ask someone to check on you that day.

And one last thing: if any of this made you think about your own paperwork — your will, your passwords, your wishes — that’s the most useful thing you can do for the people who love you. The grief is hard enough. Don’t make them guess.